This is not a DRILL! You must all beware. The God of Fun seems to have been expanding his puny inconvenient army to the other residential palace minions in the neighboring hoods just beyond the limits of my very own plastic yellow palace. Its only a matter of stale and obsolete time before he tried to take over the doomed minions of my palace and try to take over the world.
This is was inexplicably happened. I was walking but my extremely rare and famed pet rat in the jungles just beyond the palace doors when suddenly one of my minions returned back from the marketplace with my supper. This brief encountering distraction caused me to forget that my rat was wondering about in the forest alone, and I yearnfully went inside to eat my freshly prepared take-out food. Though I don't know why they call it "Take-out" when we obviously take it INTO the palace. Any who, once I remembered that my dear rat was out in the jungle, I ordered my minions to go after him and find my poor hopeless and regretfully bathed rat and bring him home. The minions all ran about trying to find him but I just couldn't wait a single drop of time, so I too (being the loving and beautiful Goddess) went looking for him. I sensed, with my powerful mind and incredibly large heart, that he was venturing towards another minion residing palace.
Inconveniently the palace was made of brick. If only they were smart like me and had their made of plastic, they might have a chance when floods come in the later days.
I gracefully knocked on the door with a sanitized stone I cleaned several years ago for this very purpose so I would not acquire miniature parasites from these unfortunate members of the neighboring hoods. When the door opened, I saw a man of similar stature as the God of Fun! I was also stricken by his wicked spell and thus knew he was partnering with my rival! He also whore no manner of dress on his upper body and naturally felt the need to introduce himself as the God of Strength, as one might do when they revert to the dark side and mask their true minionated self. He practically changed his identity with this strange power and is able to suppress my powers. I could do nothing but walk away and ask Minion-3 why this has happened again to such a powerful and honored Goddess such as myself. Sadly, she is still talking nonsense and using the words, "Crush, Hot and Like," so I dismissed her for the night and shall send her to the minion factory for resetting in the morning.
For now, all I can do is plan an attack and find ways to strengthen my forces for the battle I see coming in the future.
7.18.2014
Hello my minions, and your additional plus ones. I am proud to say that I have returned to these dismal times to tell you of the time I had away from here. This way you can know how amazing I am as the All Knowledgeable Goddess of all Knowledge and might want to join my forces in becoming your one and true Idol of life and love. In return I will allow you all to serve me and love me unconditionally and I will also grant you to be on my good side, which mainly consists of me killing you last when my world goes out of whack.
When I first left you I had a horribly long life altering battle with one of my current palace residing minions. Her name is Minion-1. She seems to think that I am not worthy of being the All Knowledgeable Goddess of All Knowledge. Do not fear! I AM WORTHY! Minion-1 was inconveniently upset with herself for being called "Minion-1" though I reassured her that this was a title and a name in its self and therefore she can redirect her thought process to believe that it was her title and not her name, even though we all know it really is her name. When we were done mishandling my authority and guidance and finally shifted back to reality I escorted her back to her room. However, I discovered something that was incorrect according to the ninth corridor of my brain and tucked away in a safe along the right edge passage of my mind. Her room was larger than my own. This was not allowed in the plastic yellow palace and this change must be foreseen by minions 3 through 6 to insure that I am above all the most cherished Goddess of this world and that they can continue to think I am worthy of this title. So I changed the rooms and now reside in the largest room of all. Unfortunately Minion-1 grew envious and jealous of me, which only could mean that she was taken hostage by a dark passenger of which forced her to think un-knowledgeable things. She tried to confront me about it but being the kind and merciful Goddess that I am, I banished her from the house and spared her life so that she may continue to live. This was out of the goodness of my heart and I could only wish her luck that she might find a way to part from the darkness that is now residing in her. But not to worry, I have a long line of humanoids who are honored to become my servants of all hours of the day and would love to worship me with every morsel of food and gift and from these followers, I have summoned a soul from the unending depths of the interwebular net and humbly accepted their request to serve me in my plastic yellow palace. Ironically she is also a female and her name will also be Minion-1. So in the future, please don't get confused by this new minion on the rise. She is doomed to be one the convenient 6 minions of the house that I might be speaking of hence forth.
Meanwhile, my most used and most least-humble minion, Minion-3, has found me a potential mate. I know what you are all thinking. That these lesser forms of Goddesses, not to mention the change in body parts, are typically called "Husbands" or "Partners" but to the All Knowledgeable Goddess of All Knowledge these alien-like humanoids are meant to please me as a mate and then worship me and love me for the rest of time. You might think this is wrong for some strange, unhuman reason but I assure you that this is the correct way. Since I am of all Knowledge, that makes me wright all the time and you wrong for ever.
So Minion-3 earned herself a day off by sacrificing her breakfast to me the day before. She was always a tough minion to break by means of sharing food. I actually don't eat minion food but I highly believe in having good manners and sharing your food with the other doomed minions of the house. It has been decades of training this difficult minion, and usually I would have killed off my minions by now for being so difficult but she one of the most avid followers and worshipers that I have allowed into the life of serving me and I just couldn't think of parting with her quite yet. To be uncontrollably honest, she was a good distraction from the ugly truths the lay just beyond our plastic yellow palace borders.
So on Minion-3's day off, she was strangely in the mood to go swimming. Which I find odd since I give my minions one hour a year to bathe, which is more than enough. So she told me with horrible timing that she would be nonchalantly strolling the streets of the neighboring hoods until she uncoincidentally found a pool that accidentally was accompanied by somewhat attractive alienistic genders of lesser value but opposite in body parts as the Goddess. Minion-3 was so distraught in not having me wait on her and approve of her every move that she lovingly insisted that I come with her so when she was there she could continue to serve me happily and do exactly what she was trained for. Being the humble and gracious All Knowledgeable Goddess of All Knowledge, I obliged.
When I arrived fashionably on time, I was automatically accompanied by several other minions. This confused me as I was unaware that these minions were ones that served me. I then discovered that the alienistic humanoid that Minion-3 had found was not a minion at all, but one who also allowed minions to serve him. I was amused at his bold actions but also quite humbly frustrated with his obvious notion to steal my minions from me and, even though showing multitudes of candor towards them, he somehow has them all under his toes and proves to be a big competitor in this new battle that I might have to wager later down the street of glory. This shall be a difficult one to splinter. A male minion is the hardest to revert back to classic minionism. Once they have minions serving them, it is almost impossible to bring them back to the safe, good side, where they can serve me and be happy for ever.
What was idealistically strange was when I introduced myself to him. He referred to himself as the God of all Fun. How dare he refer to himself as a God! I can see his past minionated life and know that all minions who are born a minion, stay a minion. He shall be punished. I also found it interestingly bizarre that when I was a bout to Knowledgeify him and correct his dark ways, my tongue seemed to not work. Not just that, I seemed to not be able to speak to anyone. DARK MAGIC! I tried several times throughout the night to justify my righteous actions but my body seemed to refuse to go near him at all. Minion-3, however, seemed to be idealistically free form this spell or perhaps immune. Luckily she knew my facial expressions quite well and could tell exactly what I was thinking. Good minion! I had never felt this kind of curse before and I wanted to know more about it. When we finally went home, Minion-3 told me her interpretation of the spell and what he must have done to me. What she said was indecently strange.
"You have a Crush on him."
What was odd about that phrase was that I did not seem to be crushing him down at all. I was obviously the victim of this crime. He was the one crush on me! Obviously Minion-3's day off was a bit too much for her to handle. I allowed her back to work in serving me and worshiping me in hopes that she would go back to her normal way of thought and could help me determine the real cause of my withdrawn power and almost embarrassing actions that night. So far there has been no luck. She keeps rambling on with phrases that make no sense such as, "He is hot," and "You like him." This is just absurd! First of all, he was in a large pond of some kind that had was outlined in really hard materials built in a rectangular form, and this caused his skin to become quite chilly. Secondly, I do not like him. I hate him for what his did to my body by making me powerless. He somehow even got a hold of my blood and caused it to run faster than usual in some strange attempt to possibly give me a heart attack. He obviously is trying to kill me and if Minion-3 can't seem to get her thoughts to process correctly I might have to send to the minion shop and get her fixed.
I am currently conducting more tests on this matter and all of them prove that there is something dark and devious going on in the neighboring hoods just outside the boundaries of my plastic yellow palace.
When I first left you I had a horribly long life altering battle with one of my current palace residing minions. Her name is Minion-1. She seems to think that I am not worthy of being the All Knowledgeable Goddess of All Knowledge. Do not fear! I AM WORTHY! Minion-1 was inconveniently upset with herself for being called "Minion-1" though I reassured her that this was a title and a name in its self and therefore she can redirect her thought process to believe that it was her title and not her name, even though we all know it really is her name. When we were done mishandling my authority and guidance and finally shifted back to reality I escorted her back to her room. However, I discovered something that was incorrect according to the ninth corridor of my brain and tucked away in a safe along the right edge passage of my mind. Her room was larger than my own. This was not allowed in the plastic yellow palace and this change must be foreseen by minions 3 through 6 to insure that I am above all the most cherished Goddess of this world and that they can continue to think I am worthy of this title. So I changed the rooms and now reside in the largest room of all. Unfortunately Minion-1 grew envious and jealous of me, which only could mean that she was taken hostage by a dark passenger of which forced her to think un-knowledgeable things. She tried to confront me about it but being the kind and merciful Goddess that I am, I banished her from the house and spared her life so that she may continue to live. This was out of the goodness of my heart and I could only wish her luck that she might find a way to part from the darkness that is now residing in her. But not to worry, I have a long line of humanoids who are honored to become my servants of all hours of the day and would love to worship me with every morsel of food and gift and from these followers, I have summoned a soul from the unending depths of the interwebular net and humbly accepted their request to serve me in my plastic yellow palace. Ironically she is also a female and her name will also be Minion-1. So in the future, please don't get confused by this new minion on the rise. She is doomed to be one the convenient 6 minions of the house that I might be speaking of hence forth.
Meanwhile, my most used and most least-humble minion, Minion-3, has found me a potential mate. I know what you are all thinking. That these lesser forms of Goddesses, not to mention the change in body parts, are typically called "Husbands" or "Partners" but to the All Knowledgeable Goddess of All Knowledge these alien-like humanoids are meant to please me as a mate and then worship me and love me for the rest of time. You might think this is wrong for some strange, unhuman reason but I assure you that this is the correct way. Since I am of all Knowledge, that makes me wright all the time and you wrong for ever.
So Minion-3 earned herself a day off by sacrificing her breakfast to me the day before. She was always a tough minion to break by means of sharing food. I actually don't eat minion food but I highly believe in having good manners and sharing your food with the other doomed minions of the house. It has been decades of training this difficult minion, and usually I would have killed off my minions by now for being so difficult but she one of the most avid followers and worshipers that I have allowed into the life of serving me and I just couldn't think of parting with her quite yet. To be uncontrollably honest, she was a good distraction from the ugly truths the lay just beyond our plastic yellow palace borders.
So on Minion-3's day off, she was strangely in the mood to go swimming. Which I find odd since I give my minions one hour a year to bathe, which is more than enough. So she told me with horrible timing that she would be nonchalantly strolling the streets of the neighboring hoods until she uncoincidentally found a pool that accidentally was accompanied by somewhat attractive alienistic genders of lesser value but opposite in body parts as the Goddess. Minion-3 was so distraught in not having me wait on her and approve of her every move that she lovingly insisted that I come with her so when she was there she could continue to serve me happily and do exactly what she was trained for. Being the humble and gracious All Knowledgeable Goddess of All Knowledge, I obliged.
When I arrived fashionably on time, I was automatically accompanied by several other minions. This confused me as I was unaware that these minions were ones that served me. I then discovered that the alienistic humanoid that Minion-3 had found was not a minion at all, but one who also allowed minions to serve him. I was amused at his bold actions but also quite humbly frustrated with his obvious notion to steal my minions from me and, even though showing multitudes of candor towards them, he somehow has them all under his toes and proves to be a big competitor in this new battle that I might have to wager later down the street of glory. This shall be a difficult one to splinter. A male minion is the hardest to revert back to classic minionism. Once they have minions serving them, it is almost impossible to bring them back to the safe, good side, where they can serve me and be happy for ever.
What was idealistically strange was when I introduced myself to him. He referred to himself as the God of all Fun. How dare he refer to himself as a God! I can see his past minionated life and know that all minions who are born a minion, stay a minion. He shall be punished. I also found it interestingly bizarre that when I was a bout to Knowledgeify him and correct his dark ways, my tongue seemed to not work. Not just that, I seemed to not be able to speak to anyone. DARK MAGIC! I tried several times throughout the night to justify my righteous actions but my body seemed to refuse to go near him at all. Minion-3, however, seemed to be idealistically free form this spell or perhaps immune. Luckily she knew my facial expressions quite well and could tell exactly what I was thinking. Good minion! I had never felt this kind of curse before and I wanted to know more about it. When we finally went home, Minion-3 told me her interpretation of the spell and what he must have done to me. What she said was indecently strange.
"You have a Crush on him."
What was odd about that phrase was that I did not seem to be crushing him down at all. I was obviously the victim of this crime. He was the one crush on me! Obviously Minion-3's day off was a bit too much for her to handle. I allowed her back to work in serving me and worshiping me in hopes that she would go back to her normal way of thought and could help me determine the real cause of my withdrawn power and almost embarrassing actions that night. So far there has been no luck. She keeps rambling on with phrases that make no sense such as, "He is hot," and "You like him." This is just absurd! First of all, he was in a large pond of some kind that had was outlined in really hard materials built in a rectangular form, and this caused his skin to become quite chilly. Secondly, I do not like him. I hate him for what his did to my body by making me powerless. He somehow even got a hold of my blood and caused it to run faster than usual in some strange attempt to possibly give me a heart attack. He obviously is trying to kill me and if Minion-3 can't seem to get her thoughts to process correctly I might have to send to the minion shop and get her fixed.
I am currently conducting more tests on this matter and all of them prove that there is something dark and devious going on in the neighboring hoods just outside the boundaries of my plastic yellow palace.
8.27.2013
As you all know, I am the All Knowledgeable Goddess of All Knowledge but I am here to tell you that the reason I am so Knowledgeable is because I go to a very rare society that has only a limited attendance of 10 Billion attendees. You have to sign up for this rare opportunity many moons in advance and I just so happen to be going to this society of learning. Though the society is in a different world, full of the All Knowledgeable God and Goddesses of OTHER spaces! I was proud to be among them on my first day and even more excited to see them a second time on my second day. This place is where all the Gods and Goddesses of Knowledge come to learn the next generation of knowings in each of our worlds. Sometimes its a new type of Math, Science, English, Computing or other strange skills that our fellow minions, humans, peasants, demons, or other personifications and entities have created over the centuries without their Father's permission. Any who, on my first day of our brief I learned that there have been several personifications who have successfully sacrificed their ability to HEAR in order to have an additional power of some kind. I view this somewhat as cheating, but also fair in a way because now they can't listen to music....which is only AWESOME if your used to hearing it. This particular Goddess is known as the Goddess of Adoration. This term intrigued me so I became friends with her to see just what being a Goddess of Adoration is all about. However, the more I tried to talk to her the more confused she looked. I became angry and determined to communicate with her so I took a class on learning her strange hand dancing language.
As a Goddess of All Knowledge I must know everything, including this strange method of communication. After my second day of class was over, I ran to my kingdom down on my own world, and I viewed my magic square flat box and looked to see if the strange personifications, who have been stuck in the inter webs and nets of these interspaces, knew of this hand dancing language without telling me. And low and behind, I witnessed on the interspace with the moving pictures that these personifications DO know this language. Now I MUST know how to communicate this way if I want to know every secret that is bestowed in my world. It is now my mission to learn this culture and eat their words until I am full to the gills with this knowledge. If I do this then my title of being the All Knowledgeable Goddess of all Knowledge will continue to be mine and only mine! Bwahahaha!!!
As a Goddess of All Knowledge I must know everything, including this strange method of communication. After my second day of class was over, I ran to my kingdom down on my own world, and I viewed my magic square flat box and looked to see if the strange personifications, who have been stuck in the inter webs and nets of these interspaces, knew of this hand dancing language without telling me. And low and behind, I witnessed on the interspace with the moving pictures that these personifications DO know this language. Now I MUST know how to communicate this way if I want to know every secret that is bestowed in my world. It is now my mission to learn this culture and eat their words until I am full to the gills with this knowledge. If I do this then my title of being the All Knowledgeable Goddess of all Knowledge will continue to be mine and only mine! Bwahahaha!!!
8.17.2013
Hello again my personified acquaintances. I have recently shared a troubling and life altering experience with my house minions and they have reached out to me and convinced me to notify you web ensnared entities of the traumatic story of your knowledgeable Goddess of all knowledge's near death experience.
"So there I was. Glowing in all my beauty and selflessness as I donated my time to help one of my minions in training by washing her windows in her basement. Yes, I am a humble goddess that knows all about the sacrifices of every day love and cleaning basements. I opened the window that sat floor level to my soon-to-be minion's backyard, and when I opened the window I noticed a few webs hazing my view of the solitary white floating cotton candy ball in the middle of the strange blue wallpaper above the earth. I took the loud air sucking device and pointed at the web, but before the end of the black tube reached the webbing, a big black beast of pointed limbs that add to twice the amount of a human, lurked out of a web tunnel and stared at me in disbelief. I assumed that I offended him, but since he was the wrong doer in this situation I had to take my stand. "Behond you lonesome and death inviting demon! You must leave now or forever hold your snare! For you have been stealing from my almost-minion by building your treacherous web and eating freely whilst sleeping on a piece of property that you have not been paying or renting for. Either pay your dues or get out!" I said to him in a bold and high pitched demanding and not at all shaky voice. I saw in his multiple eyes that he was going to be a stubborn law-defying beast. I know how much I am loved and worshiped by my followers and the minions in my palace of yellow plastic which is guarded by dead wasps and a ticklish 5 month-old rat so I made the courageous decision to let this argument go off into the infinite air-space and dissipate. However, the black multi-legged demon appeared to disagree with my decision and charged me with amateur fury! I took a step back into a fighting pose which seemed to freeze the beast in mid bound on his badly sewn web of death. I had expected him to stop in his tracks since my fighting stance is so scary that it haunts my minions in their sleep and keeps them obedient to me 24/7/12/365. But then the beast pushed through his fears and his fight-or-flight kicked in. HE CHARGED AGAIN! And this time he didn't stop for anything. I knew he didn't mean to do it but his adrenalin was pulsing through him and causing him to turn against his Goddess of All Knowledge and so I made a wise decision, like all leaders have to do in their ruling time, and I blocked his path toward my face by slamming the freshly clean window down in front of me. HE RUBBED IS DIRTY MONSTER FEET ALL OVER MY WINDOWS!!! All that work has gone down the drain...How inconsiderate of a beast that I showed mercy and understanding to and didn't kill with my air-sucking tube that inconveniently is attached to a giant machine of some kind....
Anyways, if it wasn't for my incredible speedy reflexes I would have been killed without any witnesses to avenge me, and since my soon-to-be minion is Deaf, she wouldn't have heard me scream in my moment of despair, which never would have happened because I am a brave and young warrior Goddess of All Knowledge and everyone knows that Goddesses never scream about 8 legged freaks attacking them."
Now that you know just how wonderful of a leader I am, you are all welcome to join me by becoming one of my minions. To be recruited to my forces, all you have to do is follow me and continue to take in all my knowledge and advice on this inter space that I am legally borrowing from the enticing forces of the inter webs and nets. Don't fret my friendly personifications, I shall be back!
"So there I was. Glowing in all my beauty and selflessness as I donated my time to help one of my minions in training by washing her windows in her basement. Yes, I am a humble goddess that knows all about the sacrifices of every day love and cleaning basements. I opened the window that sat floor level to my soon-to-be minion's backyard, and when I opened the window I noticed a few webs hazing my view of the solitary white floating cotton candy ball in the middle of the strange blue wallpaper above the earth. I took the loud air sucking device and pointed at the web, but before the end of the black tube reached the webbing, a big black beast of pointed limbs that add to twice the amount of a human, lurked out of a web tunnel and stared at me in disbelief. I assumed that I offended him, but since he was the wrong doer in this situation I had to take my stand. "Behond you lonesome and death inviting demon! You must leave now or forever hold your snare! For you have been stealing from my almost-minion by building your treacherous web and eating freely whilst sleeping on a piece of property that you have not been paying or renting for. Either pay your dues or get out!" I said to him in a bold and high pitched demanding and not at all shaky voice. I saw in his multiple eyes that he was going to be a stubborn law-defying beast. I know how much I am loved and worshiped by my followers and the minions in my palace of yellow plastic which is guarded by dead wasps and a ticklish 5 month-old rat so I made the courageous decision to let this argument go off into the infinite air-space and dissipate. However, the black multi-legged demon appeared to disagree with my decision and charged me with amateur fury! I took a step back into a fighting pose which seemed to freeze the beast in mid bound on his badly sewn web of death. I had expected him to stop in his tracks since my fighting stance is so scary that it haunts my minions in their sleep and keeps them obedient to me 24/7/12/365. But then the beast pushed through his fears and his fight-or-flight kicked in. HE CHARGED AGAIN! And this time he didn't stop for anything. I knew he didn't mean to do it but his adrenalin was pulsing through him and causing him to turn against his Goddess of All Knowledge and so I made a wise decision, like all leaders have to do in their ruling time, and I blocked his path toward my face by slamming the freshly clean window down in front of me. HE RUBBED IS DIRTY MONSTER FEET ALL OVER MY WINDOWS!!! All that work has gone down the drain...How inconsiderate of a beast that I showed mercy and understanding to and didn't kill with my air-sucking tube that inconveniently is attached to a giant machine of some kind....
Anyways, if it wasn't for my incredible speedy reflexes I would have been killed without any witnesses to avenge me, and since my soon-to-be minion is Deaf, she wouldn't have heard me scream in my moment of despair, which never would have happened because I am a brave and young warrior Goddess of All Knowledge and everyone knows that Goddesses never scream about 8 legged freaks attacking them."
Now that you know just how wonderful of a leader I am, you are all welcome to join me by becoming one of my minions. To be recruited to my forces, all you have to do is follow me and continue to take in all my knowledge and advice on this inter space that I am legally borrowing from the enticing forces of the inter webs and nets. Don't fret my friendly personifications, I shall be back!
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